By Daneen James 

​“Love is not jealous”, another translation reads, “Love does not want what it doesn’t have.” You’ve probably seen this before, part of the infamous bible passage on love, it's found in I Corinthians 13:4-7. Although, I’ve read this verse more times than I can count, I never saw it the way I see now. When we want to be something other than who we are, want someone else’s relationship and experiences more than our own, we are not living in love. We fail to love ourselves and God by dishonoring who He made us and discounting what He gave us.  

Our creator's love for us is incomprehensible. It's too big and wide to understand and there is nothing you can do to lose or earn it. What God wants is relationship. He wants you to extend to Him, the same faithfulness and love that He extends to you. You love Him by looking for ways to please Him. There is no better way to please Him, than to live like Him. 

Everything you do either builds a bridge or creates a barrier to right relationship with God. We can't expect to experience God's best unless we're willing to follow His direction. Our creator knows what we need to grow and live well, His word tells us. Countless scriptures outline what we can expect from God, when we do what He expects from us.  Let's explore a few examples. 

By Daneen James 

Do you ever find it difficult to engage the good in your life? You see it, know it’s happening, but it’s like there’s something blocking you from fully feeling it. I can relate. Over the last few months, issues I thought had long been laid to rest, reminded me they were not dead. So even when I had every reason to be happy, I wasn't. Instead feelings of resentment flooded my mind and smothered every other sentiment. Unresolved emotions cover your life like a residue and hamper your ability to authentically access and experience feelings in the moment. 
 
Pain often has levels.
Sometimes what seems like resolution is really an invitation to go deeper until you dig up and disect the root. Here’s a quick test. Say the name of a person (including yourself) associated with a painful memory. What do you feel, what happens when you replay the experience? Your reaction lets you know whether the issue is healed or just hiding. If you can acknowledge the person, subject or event, without a real change in your mood or emotions; even recognize and appreciate how you’ve grown through the situation. Then the issue is likely resolved or at least has been disarmed and is no longer destructive. But if when you hear that name, see the person, recall what they did or are reminded of what happened, your mood shifts, you become anxious or angry, sad or sullen, that’s a pretty strong indicator that the issue remains unresolved.
 
What it means to move on.
We have the right to mourn and process our feelings at our own pace. But, if we’re honest, there comes a time when our response is less about what happened and more about, what happens to us, if we let it go. Sometimes, we can become attached to our pain, treating it as part of our identity, unsure of how to act without it. One situation, one step, one moment at a time, you can decide to stop allowing pain to be the reason for not progressing beyond past experiences. Each day, often throughout the day, we get opportunities to do life differently. It’s what we do in those moments that matters most. Either we learn to recognize sabotaging behaviors, step outside of destructive patterns and side step triggers or we opt to remain stagnate.

For the most part, we know what to do, but don't always want to do what we know. Growth is hard work and requires conscious, consistent effort. But if you persist, do what you can and know to do, you'll be proud of who you become and well on your way to creating a life that exceeds your best expectations.  
 
Here’s a scripture to encourage you:
Let the Spirit renew thoughts and attitudes. Ephesians 4:23
 

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Daneen James is an inspirational author, speaker and develops uplifting
products and media through her company, SPARKSAFLAME. 

You might also enjoy: 
https://www.daneenjames.com/blog/fight-to-win 

By Daneen James 

We crave our father’s adoration, acceptance and affection. Every woman, at some point was or wanted to be “daddy’s little girl.” And the boy in every man, mimics or mourns the connection with his father. Whether absent or present, dads make an undeniably difference in the lives of their children. As adults we become more adept at disguising it. But the relationship with our father (good, bad, or nonexistent) colors every part of our lives. 
 
From the Beginning
I grew up missing the presence of my dad. As a little girl, I longed for him to spend time with me and make me a priority. But the more he disappointed me and didn’t come through, the more detached I became. Most of my life, I’ve kept people at a distance. Making sure not to get too close or become dependent, so if and when they left, I could easily adapt.
 
The Grace Gap
Ovetime my dad and I reconciled, but the pain didn’t just disappear. It takes work not to allow past hurts to undermine the present good. I couldn’t do it on my own. But as I was willing, God helped me put aside my pain (long enough) to see my dad as a man. A man working through his own issues and experiences. Although my father’s choices affected me, I began to understand, they had little, if anything, to do with me. So we both needed grace. It's grace that builds the bridge between where you are and where you need to be.
 
Reach for Better
My dad died earlier this year. Admittedly, there was a time when this article would have been a barrage of anger about his missteps. But in the days leading up to my dad’s death, I found myself grateful for the time we had, not angry about how much we had missed. At some point, we must learn to resist the reflex to respond based on what was and choose to reach for what could be. Most times it’s not easy, but it’s always worth it.
 

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​Daneen James is an inspirational author, speaker and develops uplifting
products and media through her company, SPARKSAFLAME. 

You might also enjoy:
​https://www.daneenjames.com/blog/bridge-to-breakthrough
​

By Daneen James 

 When I think of all the ways my mom has influenced my life, I am overwhelmed. Evidence of her character and courage is abundant. The strength and integrity I so admire in her is alive in me.  She gave me an incredible foundation. Yet, I look back at my childhood and wish some things were different. My mom does too. But one indisputable fact remains. My mother loves me and I know it. 

Parents Are People
After becoming a mother, I came to better understand that parents are people. We have needs and wants and pain that can color the relationships we have with our children. For example, I didn't have the relationship a daughter should have with her father. So, I was determined to ensure my daughter experience everything that I didn’t. While a healthy father-daughter relationship is critical. My feelings were more about me than my daughter. I was projecting my pain on to her. I needed to accept that my daughter was not me. Living vicariously through her wouldn’t fix my broken places. 

Let Love Lead 
As women, we've likely had experiences that have hardened or calloused our hearts. Disappointments that make us more distant than we care to be. But once we become a mother, our responsibility is to become the best version of ourselves. We’re called to deal with our stuff and not project it on to our kids. It's our job to give them a better starting position than we had. Ironically, releasing our kids to become who they are activates the power of love to heal the splintered places within us. 
 
To every mother, caretaker and woman who answers the call to give a child her best.
We CELEBRATE you! 
 
 
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Daneen James is an inspirational author, speaker and develops uplifting
products and media through her company, SPARKSAFLAME. 

You might also enjoy:
​https://www.daneenjames.com/blog/bridge-to-breakthrough

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​

By Daneen James 

God sees you.

He knows the adversity you have overcome. He understands that you’ve endured things you didn’t deserve. That you’ve had many reasons to give up, but you found the courage to keep going. Despite the heart break, challenges, and disappointments that threatened to overtake you. You are still standing.

But sometimes what we use to survive in one season can create patterns that keep us stuck, restrict our heart and stifle our spirit in another season. Nothing makes God happier than to see you living the life that He created you to live. He wants to help you reach your full potential, in every area of your life. He wants to help you. He’s extending His hand. Will you take it?  
 
Begin by answering these 3 questions (inspired by Dharius Daniels):

Where’s the hurt?
What was done that shouldn’t have been (feelings of grief, loss and unmet expectations offer clues)?

Where’s the hole?
What wasn’t done but should have been?

Where’s the hazard?
What thought or memory keeps tripping you up? What video plays in your mind that you find it difficult to escape?
 
Will you allow God into these areas?  Will you choose to accept Christ as the answer to bring you wholeness and peace?
 
Here’s a prayer:
Father, there are places where I am stuck. Regrets and resentments cloud my perspective. I have done things for which I'm ashamed. Made areas of my heart unavailable to you.  But I want to know your freedom. I invite you into my life, nothing is off limits. Help me give you my broken pieces. Strengthen me to expose my wounds. Give me the courage to be honest, withholding nothing. Then God do what only you can do.  Let your love wash over me and lead me to healing. Father, when it gets hard, help me look to and lean on you.
 

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Daneen James is an inspirational author, speaker and develops uplifting
products and media through her company, SPARKSAFLAME. 

You might also enjoy:
​https://www.daneenjames.com/blog/live-your-light
​

By Daneen James 

"When we were utterly helpless, God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. We have been made right in God’s sight by the blood of Christ. Our friendship with God was restored by the Son." Romans 5:6-11 (NLT)

I read that scripture and I am overwhelmed. God, what made you do it? How can you love me like you do? What am I that you consider me?

Despite my best efforts, I’m not always good or righteous.  I disobey and disappoint God. I know better but don’t always do better. I mess up and miss the mark. Yet every day God shows me new mercy and extends His grace and gives me another chance. 

God sees us and knows our inner thoughts, nothing is hidden from Him. He sees the ugly, the selfish and the dark. Yet it’s in our darkest places that He shines His light. His Spirit won’t let us be. It works with His grace to refine us.

Even when you walk away, God never does. He wants you. He decided long ago that you are worth it and won’t throw you away. He offers you life, the chance to change and grow. Oh, the possibilities when you listen for and obey His voice. Each time we choose Him, every move we make toward Him, we stand more in His power. This was God's plan all along.

There's a song I remember singing as a Kid in church, “I Just Want To Thank You Lord.” Though I haven’t thought about that song in years, this morning I woke up with its words on my lips. 
 
“Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Lord. You’ve been so good.
Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Lord. You brought me out.
Thank you, Lord.  Thank you, Lord. You saved my soul.
I Just want to thank you Lord.”
 
I even watched a performance of the song on YouTube. As I listened to the lyrics, my eyes began to water. On Good Friday, the day we commemorate the death and crucifixion of Christ. I am overcome with awe and appreciation. Father, I just want to say, THANK YOU. 


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​
Daneen James is an inspirational author, speaker and develops uplifting
products and media through her company, SPARKSAFLAME. 

You might also enjoy:
​https://www.daneenjames.com/blog/in-his-absence


​

By Daneen James 

Kindness is a game changer. Be inspired by these stories about the life-changing impact of kindness (https://www.rd.com/true-stories/inspiring/kindness-strangers/). Then brighten someone's day with one of the 20 random acts of kindness, listed below, that take 2 minutes or less and don't cost a penny(https://www.rd.com/advice/relationships/free-random-acts-of-kindness/).

Supermarket Flowers 
When the supermarket clerk tallied up my groceries, I was short $12. I began to remove items from the bags, when another shopper handed me a $20 bill. “Please don’t put yourself out,” I told him. “Let me tell you a story,” he said. “My mother is in the hospital with cancer. I visit her every day and bring her flowers. I went this morning, and she got mad at me for spending my money on more flowers. She demanded that I do something else with that money. So, here, please accept this. It is my mother’s flowers.” – Leslie Wagner, Peel, Arkansas. ​

Waiting in the Wings
I'm a middle school teacher. After four weeks of recovering from the devasting loss of my first child. I walked into my empty classroom and turned on the lights. Glued to the wall were a hundred colored paper butterflies, each with a handwritten message on it from current and past students. All of them had encouraging messages: “Keep moving forward,” “Don’t give up on God,” and “Know that we love you.” It was exactly what I needed. – Jennifer Garcia-Esquivel, San Benito, Texas

Lost and Found
I forgot about the rules on liquids in carry-on luggage, so when I hit security at the airport, I had to give up all my painting supplies. When I returned a week later, an attendant greeted me at the baggage area with my paints. He'd kept them for me and he had looked up my return date and time in order to meet.  – Marilyn Kinsella, Canmore, Canada. 

The Promise 
I saw a dress in a consignment shop that I knew my granddaughter would love. But money was tight, so I asked the store owner if she could hold it for me. “May I buy the dress for you?” asked another customer. “Thank you, but I can’t accept such a gracious gift,” I said. Then she told me why it was so important for her to help me. She’d been homeless for three years, she said, and had it not been for the kindness of strangers, she would not have been able to survive. “I’m no longer homeless, and my situation has improved,” she said. “I promised myself that I would repay the kindness so many had shown me.” She paid for the dress, and the only payment she would accept in return was a heartfelt hug. – Stacy Lee, Columbia, Maryland

Actions Speak Louder Than Words
Children were playing at the recreation area of an IKEA store when my five-year-old granddaughter motioned for a small boy to stop. She knelt down before him and retied his flopping shoelaces—she had only just learned to tie her own. No words were spoken, but after she finished, both smiled shyly, then turned to race off in different directions. – Sheela Mayes, Olla, Louisiana. 

A Healing Touch
When my husband died unexpectedly, a coworker took me under her wing. Every week for an entire year, she would send me a card saying “Just Thinking of You” or “Hang in There.” She saved my life.
– Jerilynn Collette, Burnsville, Minnesota

It only takes a moment to make an impact. 20 random acts of kindness that take 2 minutes or less and don't cost a cent: 

1. Say hello to a stranger and wish them a great day
2. Learn the name of a person that regularly helps or serves you, (i.e. parking lot attendant, security guard, janitor, mail carrier, UPS Driver, Bank Teller)greet them by name 
3. Smile
4. Compliment a stranger - in person or online
5. Make a list of 5 things you love about your partner, leave the list where they'll find it
6. Give the benefit of the doubt. Assume the best, not the worse. No matter what it seems like 
7. Offer to babysit for a friend or a single parent
8. Clean out your closets and cabinets. Donate extra candy and clothes 
9. Use your turn signal
10. Let someone merge in front of you on the highway, even if you think they don't "deserve" it
11. High five someone
12. Volunteer to be the designated driver
13. Leave a handwritten thank you note 
14. Post a positive review online
15. Pick up trash
16. Hold the door or the elevator
17. Share a recipe
18. Give up your seat or swap seats so a family can sit together on public transportation
19. Call the manager of your favorite store, share what you like about the store
20. Offer someone a hug

Inspired?  Try some of your own. 

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​
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​
Daneen James is an inspirational author, speaker and develops uplifting
​products and media through her company, SPARKSAFLAME. 
​

By Daneen James

Why are there over three billion search results for "books written on love"?

​What makes the Bible, a book about God, the best-selling book of all time? 

Regardless of the issue, situation, person or circumstance, everything comes back to love.  

Here's a story that illustrates this point beautifully. (https://www.inspirationalstories.eu/?s=love)

A university professor asked his students a question, "Did God create everything that exists?" One student answered bravely, "Yes, God created it all." 

The professor quickly replied, "If God created everything, then that means God created evil, because it exists". The student got quiet after hearing that answer.  Then another student got up and asked, "Professor, does cold exist?" The professor answered confidently, "Of course it exists, didn’t you ever get cold?  The young man said, "Actually, sir, according to the laws of physics, cold doesn’t exist. We created that word to describe what we feel at the absence of heat." The student continued, "Professor, does darkness exist? Certain he was right this time, the professor responded, "Yes, it surely does."

"Sir, you are wrong again," replied the student. We can study the light, but not the darkness. People use darkness to describe what happens in the absence of light." Finally, the young man asked, "Professor, does evil exist?" The professor timidly responded, "Of course, as I have already said. We see it every day. Cruelty among people, crimes and violence around the world. These examples are nothing other than the manifestations of evil." The student paused and then said, "God didn't create evil. Evil – is the result of the absence of Godly love in a human heart. It’s like the cold, which comes when there is no heat, or like the darkness, which comes when there is no light." 

God is the very essence of love. Love prospers in His presence and fades in His absence. As the instruments of God, our task is to live so that others feel His presence and experience His love through us. Each time we are kind, patient, giving, and compassionate (with ourselves and others) love flourishes within us and floods into our world.  

Here are some ways to spark love daily: 

• Do one random act of kindness, don't expect anything in return, if possible do it anonymously.
• Give someone a hug (hold the embrace for at least 10 seconds).
• Ask a stranger how they're doing, look them in the eyes and actually listen to their response.
• Wave to the car next to you while stopped at the light.
• Send an encouraging text, email or social media mime.
• Be the first to say I'm sorry.
• When faced with evil (in any form), don't stay silent. Find a way to stand up for what's right in a way that works for you. 

Get more on this and other topics:
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​
Daneen James is an inspirational author, speaker and develops uplifting
​products and media through her company, SPARKSAFLAME. 
​

By Daneen James ​

Sometimes we hesitate to emotionally engage beyond a surface level. Life without genuine connection can be hard and lonely. But it can feel safer not to extend ourselves and risk the disappointment of unmet expectations.  Good thing relationship has its benefits... 

Better Together
Humans are wired for connection. Studies by The Health and Human Services Department consistently link social isolation to higher rates of depression in men and women. They also report findings that getting and staying married contributes to decreases in heavy drinking and other drug abuse. Whether because there's someone to hold you accountable, someone cares for you or there's someone you care about. It's clear that people who connect with other people and actively engage in relationships, where they feel connected, a sense of belonging, respected and valued are healthier. They experience fewer diseases and feel less overwhelmed, burdened and anxious. 

Quality Matters
According to a study in the Annals of Behavioral Medicine, the best blood pressure rates are found among happily married couples. Followed by singles who have strong, supportive social networks. Conversely, evidence suggests that relationships with frequent emotional fluctuations or instability create stress that undermine health. While, positive, long-term relationships are shown to create less activation in the area of the brain that produces anxiety and more activation in the part of the brain that registers pain. In effect, study participants (with positive long-term relationships) experienced fewer headaches and reported less backpain. Not to mention, increased activity in the brain's "reward center" and the area associated with bonding, which creates a sense of overall life satisfaction. The better the relationship, the greater the effect. 

The link between life and love
We've seen that positive relationships contribute to increased health and wellbeing. But, perhaps even more striking, is the evidence that connects being loving to faster healing rates, stronger immune systems and increased life expectancy. Not only that, ever notice that kind people are genuinely happier? They live with a sense of appreciation that elevates others and radiates throughout every aspect of their life. Subsequently, they attract goodness and tend to live richer and more fulfilling lives.  While hostile people tend to repel others. They are often lonely and look for ways to fill the void in their life. 

Regardless of type, loving relationships powerfully impact our lives. Giving and receiving love is the link to wholeness. 

Give it a try. 

• Every day, look for a way to be kind - hold the door, give a compliment, send an encouraging text. 
• Do one thing, each day to make sure those you value "feel" loved. Find their language and speak it. 
• When tempted to judge or react harshly, take a moment. Count to 5. Do your best to see the situation from the other person's perspective.  Before you respond, think about the response you'd want to receive.  
• Tell your internal critic to be quiet. Extend yourself some compassion. Just because you still have work to do, don't discount the work you've done and are doing. 

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